Academic literature on the topic '"Batter my heart"'

I recently published three articles on pacemakers. My focus in these articles was to examine the moral permissibility of deactivating a pacemaker at the end of life or letting the pacemaker’s battery run out. I determined that both—deactivation and letting the battery run out—were morally impermissible. Another type of cardiac device is also often used in treating patients with heart irregularities, namely, a cardioverter defibrillator. I address here the issue of whether or not this device can morally be deactivated at the end of life.

In this tribute to John B. Goodenough I will describe how John’s talk on the metal-to-nonmetal transition of vanadium oxide VO2, presented at the Bordeaux Conference (September 1964) attended by inorganic chemists, metallurgists, crystallographers, thermodynamicists and physicists, provided a pioneering vision of interdisciplinary research to come. John gave a complete description of the paradigm on how the physical properties of a solid depend on its structure and bonding, by employing the chemical notions as local distortions and interatomic distances as well as the physics notions such as band width and the Hubbard on-site repulsion U. I will illustrate how inspiring John’s ideas were, by discussing the research examples of my own research group in the sixties-seventies. The fundamental approach of John B. Goodenough to Solid State Chemistry, leading particularly to lithium battery applications, is at the heart of the 2019 Nobel Prize awarded to John.

Dear Editor, Thyroidectomy is a common surgical procedure performed by us otolaryngologists on our patients. Quite often, we make our post-operative rounds on them, not knowing that the patient may have a lot of concerns regarding his or her operation that we somehow take lightly or worse, do not take seriously. I would like to share with other Ear Nose Throat (ENT) surgeons how it was to be a patient who underwent total thyroidectomy. My journey began in the mid- 1990s with an incidental finding of thyroid nodules when I underwent a Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) of the cervical spine. It was then when I started medical suppression and yearly thyroid ultrasound examinations. However as the years passed, the nodules became more numerous involving both lobes and enlarging. It was last July when ultrasonography revealed that 2 of the nodules were solid and large. I then underwent ultrasound guided Fine Needle Aspiration Biopsy of the thyroid nodules for which the result was Bethesda 1 (the biopsy was non-conclusive). It was unanimously decided by the endocrinologist and my ENT surgeons, Dr. Alfredo Pontejos Jr. and Dr. Arsensio Cabungcal, that I would undergo total thyroidectomy. I had myself admitted at the Manila Doctors Hospital (MDH) on September 18, 2017 and underwent the surgical procedure on September 19, 2017. Pre-operatively, I told the ENT chief resident, Dr. Catherine Oseña my special “bilins”: 1) that I had a cervical spine problem so I could not hyperextend the neck; 2) that I was allergic to Penicillin; 3) that I had ceased antiplatelets (Clopidogrel, Aspirin) and fish oil omega for one week; 4) I had allergies to some non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs); 5) if possible the suturing be subcuticular so that there wouldn’t be any need to remove any stitches post-op; and 6) the superior thyroid artery be ligated 2 times and the end of the stump sealed by harmonic scalpel. I had some anxieties regarding the surgery: losing my voice, undergoing tracheostomy for bilateral abductor paralysis since both thyroid lobes would be removed, having a malignant histopathologic result and hypocalcemia. DAY 0: “This is it”, I said to myself, when the nurse fetched me from my room at 6:00 AM to be brought to the operating room (O.R.) for my 7:00 AM schedule. At the O.R., everybody who saw me greeted me with phrases such as “Ikaw pala ang pasyente, kaya mo yan,” “Good luck” and “God bless.” Here I saw one of my surgeons, Dr. Cabungcal enter the OR suite. It was then when I saw my anesthesiologists, Dr. Ariel La Rosa and Dr. Greg Macasaet. The last memory I had pre-op was that of Dr. La Rosa inserting an intravenous (I.V.) line in my right wrist and that was the last thing I remembered. I woke up, already in the Post-Anesthesia Care Unit (PACU) or Recovery Room (RR) when I felt severe pain in my neck (surgical area). I also wanted to fix the pillow at the back of my head, but I did not want to cause any strain on my anterior neck. It was also here when I was very happy to hear my own voice. It was then I said that the surgeons preserved my voice. “Whataguys!” I said to my self, “Thank God.” It was very painful then, I remember the PACU nurse injecting something thru my I.V. line. I felt the medication run thru the I.V. line towards my arm and throughout my body and this made me sleep again (later I found out that it was nalbuphine). I recognize seeing my wife Lil, my son Vinci and the ENT resident, Dr. Dindo Retreta at the PACU. The medication I was given made me sleep again. I woke up again and heard that I was being wheeled out of the PACU to be brought to my room. I only learned later that I slept about an hour after the nalbuphine was given. In my hospital room, the pain in the neck was really painful (9/10) and I had difficulty expelling the phlegm from my trachea. Each time I swallowed my saliva, I could feel my trachea move up with accompanying pain. When the resident-on-duty (ROD) visited, I was given N-acetylcysteine effervescent tablet BID (Ed: bis in die; twice a day) that was very helpful as it made my expectoration easier. I could feel the pressure dressing over my neck, which was now stiff due to dried blood. I had my first meal at around 4:00 PM. I remember it was a tuna sandwich and cold water which I drank using a straw from the hospital plastic cup. Every bite and swallow was painful in the neck and throat. I could not detect whether the pain was coming from the throat or from the surgical site. My antibiotic was given I.V. and so was the pain reliever parecoxib, paracetamol and tranexamic acid. I still did not resume the blood thinners to prevent any post-op bleeding. I tried to get up after dinner to walk around but warm serosnguinous fluid came out of the drain soaking my hospital gown. I then had the nurse call the ENT ROD to change my thyroid dressing. In a few minutes, a new fluffy gauze pressure dressing was applied by the ROD and my hospital gown was replaced. I had a good sleep with some pain still at the surgical site and throat. DAY 1: The day started with Holy Communion in my room, a good breakfast and my usual morning breakfast pills (thyroxine, nevibolol and folic acid). The residents came and changed the dressing. The resident “milked” the neck trying to see if there was any accumulated blood or serum at the surgical site. This was the most painful of the whole surgical experience (10/10), and it was good news that there was no hematoma in the operative site. They then mobilized the drain by a few centimeters. The dressing was still replaced with less fluffy dressing. I have allergic rhinitis, and the act of sneezing caused recurrent pain in the surgical site, so I asked for an antihistamine tablet. My neck and throat were still painful on Day 1 (8/10) but relieved every time the I.V. analgesic was given. In the afternoon, I had a sponge bath given by the nurse on duty with me lying in bed. I still had throat phlegm but thanks to the acetylcysteine effervescent tablet it was easier to expectorate. Every time the ROD made rounds, he checked for hypocalcemia-- fortunately I did not have it. DAY 2: The day again started with Holy Communion and breakfast in my hospital room. My main attending surgeon, Dr. Pontejos made his rounds late morning and he changed the dressing and removed the drain. I was here that I realized that the superior and inferior flaps including the incision were all numb. There was no pain on drain removal as well as on tying of the standby suture to close the drain site. They were all numb. At this point, I realized that in all our patients, this removal of the drain and the tying the standby suture were painless. After a bath in the mid-afternoon before discharge, I was then feeling better but the pain was still there (7/10). On the way home, I bought some sterile gauze, plaster, mupirocin ointment and hydrogen peroxide (H2O2) for my neck wound dressing at home. DAY 3. The pain was less (5/10), and I did not have to take any analgesic from hereon. Bathing became a problem, but I devised a way to bathe that I adopted for the following days. In the shower, I first shampooed by hair with my head and face facing down with my wife holding the telephone shower and focusing it where it was needed. After this I dried my head and hair with a clean towel then bathed the rest of the body in standing position with the telephone shower targeting the area needing to be rinsed. I did this method of bathing for a week until I decided that I could now bathe without my head looking down. I was at rest at home for 2 weeks. DAY 6: It was one of the best days of my life when the chief resident told me that the histopathologic result was multinodular goiter and no malignancy. Yehey! Thanks to God! God is really good! To summarize some of the things I want to share with other thyroid surgeons: I didn’t realize that the post-op pain was really painful, so I can now understand my patients if they experience pain post-operatively. It was difficult to expel throat phlegm and the N-acetylcysteine effervescent tablet was a big help in liquefying the phlegm. The whole area is numb (superior and inferior flaps), thus the removal of the drain and sutures would not cause any pain on the patient. The “milking” of the site was painful and this procedure should be gently done. If the patient has nasal allergy, cover the patient with an antihistamine to prevent sneezing and unnecessary pain. Teach your patient the way I bathed and order a sponge bath on Day 1 and 2. I hope this sharing of experience will benefit all your patients who will undergo the same procedure- thyroidectomy. I would like to thank my surgeons (Dr. Alfredo Pontejos Jr. and Dr. Arsenio Cabungcal), the anesthesiologists (Dr. Ariel La Rosa and Dr. Greg Macasaet), the surgical assistants (MDH ORL residents – Drs. Catehrine Elise Oseña and Dindo Retreta), my endocrinologist Dr. Robert Mirasol and my Cardiologist Dr. Rogelio Tangco, for the excellent job, well done. I would like to thank my family-- Lil my wife, Vinci, Ericka, Raymond for their love and support and for taking care of me. I would like to thank the MDH ORL Residents for taking care of me and for a job well done as well. I would also like to thank all the nursing staff at the MDH tower 1 and the OR, PACU nurses for taking care of me as well. Sincerely yours, Cesar V. Villafuerte Jr. MD, MHA

We'd eat at Cahill's, Cahill's Family Restaurants I believe they were called, and quite plushy looking ... . At Cahill's we'd eat Viennese Schnitzel, with potato salad and some nice red cabbage salad, sort of pickled ... . Even more exotic was Chicken Maryland, served with a banana and a slice of pineapple in batter. It cost 7s 6d. -- Marion Halligan (11) We migrated in the sixties. Born in Cape Town, I was raised in the heart of Jewish Bondi. The flavours of my youth? Probably equal parts peri-peri, horseradish and chicken booster, not bouquet garni. My introduction to what was 'Australian' food was had in restaurants. And yes, I remember Cahill's, though I can't tell you when exactly, or how much things cost. Mid-sixties. I knew, even then, that there were better restaurants, like the places Dad used to take us with checked tablecloths and bottles with candles dripping wax and fish nets everywhere. His favourites were Mother's Cellar and The Gap at Watson's Bay. I think it's still there. This was before they built Australia Square and Dad became obsessed with the Summit, and of course the Blue Angel, where we never doubted that the lobsters were live. Favourite dishes? I would only eat 'chicken in a basket' or spaghetti bolognaise; well, I was very young, and prone to tears. I can remember my father, losing patience and insisting, "you have a basket for the bread, just put the bloody chicken in it". I can't even remember what it was, probably the same Chicken Maryland Halligan mentions, or a cousin. Fried chicken with a battered pineapple ring and chips of course, sometimes magically grated to form a lattice. I know I enjoyed going out to eat but all meals held the prospect of tension. Visser says the tension arises from the prospect of ending up as a main course. In my case, a mere hors d'œuvre for my sarcastic oldest brother. I was the youngest and unsure how to get the best, the most, as much, or even what I wanted. I wouldn't order until I had read the whole menu, which took long enough even when it wasn't in French or Italian. The menu rarely helped me, rather it served to frustrate my entire family because they knew I was going to order spaghetti or chicken anyway, but that made no difference, the menu had to be read before ordering, and no amount of harassment could convince me otherwise. I love the thought of that child, and her passionate sense of propriety. On special occasions Dad would order Spumante and we would all have a glass, and I felt terribly sophisticated; fortunately the experience doesn't seem to have permanently damaged my palate. Spumante reminded Dad of Italy, the war, you know. Granny used to refer to this as "Henry's trip to Europe". My Dad loved the war, and I'm sure it's not all rosy nostalgia because it was the only time he got away from his family. He drove a truck and didn't have to kill anybody and all we ever heard about was the mud, the black market and the girls. So a glass of cheap, sweet fizzy brought it all back, every time, and who am I to scoff, when the merest whiff of retsina and I'm floating in the bath-flat Aegean under a hot blue sky with anybody called Jani? Cahill's, meanwhile, was in the city, in the days when you 'went to town'. Going to town was always a treat but it depended largely on with whom and why. With Mum it meant serious shopping, and though there was the promise of lunch at David Jones Cafeteria, was it worth the endless hours of torture trying on shoes that were too small and school uniforms which were too big, but of course I would grow into them? And how could a pie with sauce in a plastic packet have been a treat? Going to town with Nana was a different story. It was with some expectation that we would descend into the air-conditioned red-walled cavern that was Cahill's. What I remember about Cahill's was the occasion, and the fish and chips. Nana spent her childhood in a Dickensian orphanage and her adulthood in the North of England, waiting for my grandfather to pick a winner, so I imagine that she felt comfortable with what she knew. That she always ordered fish and chips is only strange because Nana was famous for her fish and chips, perhaps she liked to compare. And I really shouldn't find it odd when I find it difficult to order anything other than fritto misto; in two generations we've progressed to "trefe"1 but not past the deep fryer. So I'm sure that I ordered fish and chips too, or perhaps I ate some of hers, because that was the only thing to do, otherwise she would eat one piece, then look around before coughing theatrically into a serviette which she would then drop, casually, over the other piece and put it in her bag. It was absolutely awful, and we grandchildren loved it when she did that. The other thing I have to say about fish and chips is that we Jews like to eat fried fish cold, but then we don't batter the fish, just flour and egg. I suppose it forms a batter anyway but it doesn't separate from the fish, and we like a solid fish, say kingfish, while Australians seem to go for thinner fillets encased in oily batter. Cahill's did something in between. To follow, tea for Nana, while I always ate fruit salad and ice cream; this I also used to eat on our Saturday afternoon excursions to the 'Cross' which Nana said reminded her of Paris, because it was full of 'artists' like herself. So Nana would sip her tea while I ate my tinned fruit salad and we enjoyed each other and the world, and what a delight for a chatty little girl, the undivided attention of such a beloved adult. I do believe that I will never feel as grown up, ever again, as I did when I was a little girl, out for lunch with my Nana. So as you see I have a sentimental attachment to fish and chips. Their cooking and consumption have flavoured my childhood and possibly yours. The association of fish and chips with that Hanson woman2 is therefore particularly galling, and yet also pertinent. I've never believed that it's just a coincidence that she is purveyor of fish and chips; after all, fish and chips are emblematic of 'Englishness'. Hanson wants Australians to maintain their cultural identification with the mother country, she could hardly have achieved her profile were she the proprietor of a noodle shop. So as you see I have a sentimental attachment to fish and chips. Their cooking and consumption have flavoured my childhood and possibly yours. The association of fish and chips with that Hanson woman2 is therefore particularly galling, and yet also pertinent. I've never believed that it's just a coincidence that she is purveyor of fish and chips; after all, fish and chips are emblematic of 'Englishness'. Hanson wants Australians to maintain their cultural identification with the mother country, she could hardly have achieved her profile were she the proprietor of a noodle shop. Here lies the Great Divide and I fear that I may be part of the problem, not the solution. I am hoist on my hybrid petard, uncomfortably, because much as I dislike elitist Epicureanism I have seen that the reality of what we eat in this country is not always pretty. And all the best efforts of the proselytising 'foodie' media are falling on deaf or already converted ears. Back in the mother country, this battleground is already well trod: there remains something shamefaced about the acceptance of fish and chips as a component of 'Englishness' among the 'better classes' ... . This set of perceptions attaches fish and chips to potent patriotic images of land, countryside, industrial might ... and above all, the notion of Britain as a gallant seafaring notion whose little ships do battle with the elements and the foreign enemy to feed and protect the people. (Walton 2) I see Pauline, wrapped in the flag, battered hake in upraised hand ... and let's not forget that fish and chips were one of our first fast foods, at a time when there was little respite for women, often providing the only hot meal of the day, particularly for workers. Of course the practice was seen to be harmful by health care professionals. The consumption of food prepared outside the home was read as poor mothering, a breakdown in the process of policing of 'proper' families and of course no-one is sure just what sort of mother Pauline is. She appears to be estranged from her older children, a case of one Chiko Roll too many? The irony of fish and chips and Englishness is that, according to Walton, fish and chips also symbolise cultural diversity: viewed in other moods and seen from other angles, of course, the image and associations of fish and chips could be very different. They expressed ethnic diversity as well as simplistic national solidarity, from the strong East End Jewish element in the early days of fish frying in London, through the strong Italian presence in the trade from the turn of the century, in urban Scotland and Ireland especially, to the growing importance of the Chinese and Greek Cypriots in the post-Second World War decades. (2) So fish and chips have played a significant role for a number of ethnic groups. They're ours, not hers. But I'm still troubled, I need to tell the gastronomic mafia that Pacific Rim cuisine won't be Oz food until a significant number of Australians are eating it, and I'm afraid "mainstream Australia, out there" is eating extremely boring food. Could it be that the resentment against Asians is because their food is just so much better? Footnotes 1. trefe: (yiddish) animals, seafood or insects considered impure, abomination, not to be eaten under any circumstances, notably pig and shellfish. 2. Pauline Hanson was elected to the Australian Federal Parliament as an independent candidate in 1996, and soon made her presence known with outspoken comments about Aborigines, (mainly Asian) migrants, and welfare recipients [ed.]. 3. Stephanie Alexander is a noted Australian food writer and restaurateur, and her A Shared Table is the latest of a plethora of Australian television series celebrating our gastronomic abundance. References Halligan,Marion. Eat My Words. Sydney: Collins/Angus and Robertson, 1990. Visser, Margaret. The Rituals of Dinner. New York: Grove/Weidenfeld, 1991. Walton, John K. Fish and Chips and the British Working Class: 1870-1940. Leicester: Leicester UP, 1992. Citation reference for this article MLA style: Felicity Newman. "'You Have a Basket for the Bread, Just Put the Bloody Chicken in It'." M/C: A Journal of Media and Culture 2.7 (1999). [your date of access] <http://www.uq.edu.au/mc/9910/basket.php>. Chicago style: Felicity Newman, "'You Have a Basket for the Bread, Just Put the Bloody Chicken in It'," M/C: A Journal of Media and Culture 2, no. 7 (1999), <http://www.uq.edu.au/mc/9910/basket.php> ([your date of access]). APA style: Felicity Newman. (1999) "You have a basket for the bread, just put the bloody chicken in it". M/C: A Journal of Media and Culture 2(7). <http://www.uq.edu.au/mc/9910/basket.php> ([your date of access]).

She leant lazily across the picnic hamper and reached for my hearing aid in my open-palmed hand. I jerked away from her, batting her hand away from mine. The glare of the summer sun blinded me. I struck empty air. Her tendril-fingers seized the beige seashell curve of my hearing aid and she lifted the cargo of sound towards her eyes. She peered at the empty battery-cage before flicking it open and shut as if it was a cigarette lighter, as if she could spark hearing-life into this trick of plastic and metal that held no meaning outside of my ear. I stared at her. A band of horror tightened around my throat, strangling my shout: ‘Don’t do that!’ I clenched my fist around the new battery that I had been about to insert into my hearing aid and imagined it speeding like a bullet towards her heart. This dream arrived as I researched my anthology of memoir-style essays on deafness, The Art of Being. I had already been reflecting and writing for several years about my relationship with my deaf-self and the impact of my deafness on my life, but I remained uneasy about writing about my deaf-life. I’ve lived all my adult life entirely in the hearing world, and so recasting myself as a deaf woman with something pressing to say about deaf people’s lives felt disturbing. The urgency to tell my story and my anxiety to contest certain assumptions about deafness were real, but I was hampered by diffidence. The dream felt potent, as if my deaf-self was asserting itself, challenging my hearing persona. I was the sole deaf child in a family of five muddling along in a weatherboard war commission house at The Grange in Brisbane during the nineteen fifties and nineteen sixties. My father’s resume included being in the army during World War Two, an official for the boxing events at the 1956 Melbourne Olympic Games and a bookie with a gift for telling stories. My mother had spent her childhood on a cherry orchard in Young, worked as a nurse in war-time Sydney and married my father in Townsville after a whirlwind romance on Magnetic Island before setting up home in Brisbane. My older sister wore her dark hair in thick Annie-Oakley style plaits and my brother took me on a hike along the Kedron Brook one summer morning before lunchtime. My parents did not know of any deaf relatives in their families, and my sister and brother did not have any friends with deaf siblings. There was just me, the little deaf girl. Most children are curious about where they come from. Such curiosity marks their first foray into sexual development and sense of identity. I don’t remember expressing such curiosity. Instead, I was diverted by my mother’s story of her discovery that I was deaf. The way my mother tells the story, it is as if I had two births with the date of the diagnosis of my deafness marking my real arrival, over-riding the false start of my physical birth three years earlier. Once my mother realized that I was deaf, she was able to get on with it, the ‘it’ being to defy the inevitability of a constrained life for her deaf child. My mother came out swinging; by hook or by crook, her deaf daughter was going to learn to speak and to be educated and to take her place in the hearing world and to live a normal life and that was that. She found out about the Commonwealth Acoustics Laboratory (now known as Australian Hearing Services) where, after I completed a battery of auditory tests, I was fitted with a hearing aid. This was a small metal box, to be worn in a harness around my body, with a long looping plastic cord connected to a beige ear-mould. An instrument for piercing silence, it absorbed and conveyed sounds, with those sounds eventually separating themselves out into patterns of words and finally into strings of sentences. Without my hearing aid, if I am concentrating, and if the sounds are made loudly, I am aware of the sounds at the deeper end of the scale. Sometimes, it’s not so much that I can hear them; it’s more that I know that those sounds are happening. My aural memory of the deep-register sounds helps me to “hear” them, much like the recollection of any tune replays itself in your imagination. With and without my hearing aids, if I am not watching the source of those sounds – for example, if the sounds are taking place in another room or even just behind me – I am not immediately able to distinguish whether the sounds are conversational or musical or happy or angry. I can only discriminate once I’ve established the rhythm of the sounds; if the rhythm is at a tearing, jagged pace with an exaggerated rise and fall in the volume, I might reasonably assume that angry words are being had. I cannot hear high-pitched sounds at all, with and without my hearing aids: I cannot hear sibilants, the “cees” and “esses” and “zeds”. I cannot hear those sounds which bounce or puff off from your lips, such as the letters “b” and “p”; I cannot hear that sound which trampolines from the press of your tongue against the back of your front teeth, the letter “t”. With a hearing-aid I can hear and discriminate among the braying, hee-hawing, lilting, oohing and twanging sounds of the vowels ... but only if I am concentrating, and if I am watching the source of the sounds. Without my hearing aid, I might also hear sharp and sudden sounds like the clap of hands or crash of plates, depending on the volume of the noise. But I cannot hear the ring of the telephone, or the chime of the door bell, or the urgent siren of an ambulance speeding down the street. My hearing aid helps me to hear some of these sounds. I was a pupil in an oral-deaf education program for five years until the end of 1962. During those years, I was variously coaxed, dragooned and persuaded into the world of hearing. I was introduced to a world of bubbles, balloons and fingers placed on lips to learn the shape, taste and feel of sounds, their push and pull of air through tongue and lips. By these mechanics, I gained entry to the portal of spoken, rather than signed, speech. When I was eight years old, my parents moved me from the Gladstone Road School for the Deaf in Dutton Park to All Hallows, an inner-city girls’ school, for the start of Grade Three. I did not know, of course, that I was also leaving my world of deaf friends to begin a new life immersed in the hearing world. I had no way of understanding that this act of transferring me from one school to another was a profound statement of my parents’ hopes for me. They wanted me to have a life in which I would enjoy all the advantages and opportunities routinely available to hearing people. Like so many parents before them, ‘they had to find answers that might not, for all they knew, exist . . . How far would I be able to lead a ‘normal’ life? . . . How would I earn a living? You can imagine what forebodings weighed on them. They could not know that things might work out better than they feared’ (Wright, 22). Now, forty-four years later, I have been reflecting on the impact of that long-ago decision made on my behalf by my parents. They made the right decision for me. The quality of my life reflects the rightness of their decision. I have enjoyed a satisfying career in social work and public policy embedded in a life of love and friendships. This does not mean that I believe that my parents’ decision to remove me from one world to another would necessarily be the right decision for another deaf child. I am not a zealot for the cause of oralism despite its obvious benefits. I am, however, stirred by the Gemini-like duality within me, the deaf girl who is twin to the hearing persona I show to the world, to tell my story of deafness as precisely as I can. Before I can do this, I have to find that story because it is not as apparent to me as might be expected. In an early published memoir-essay about my deaf girlhood, I Hear with My Eyes (in Schulz), I wrote about my mother’s persistence in making sure that I learnt to speak rather than sign, the assumed communication strategy for most deaf people back in the 1950s. I crafted a selection of anecdotes, ranging in tone, I hoped, from sad to tender to laugh-out-loud funny. I speculated on the meaning of certain incidents in defining who I am and the successes I have enjoyed as a deaf woman in a hearing world. When I wrote this essay, I searched for what I wanted to say. I thought, by the end of it, that I’d said everything that I wanted to say. I was ready to move on, to write about other things. However, I was delayed by readers’ responses to that essay and to subsequent public speaking engagements. Some people who read my essay told me that they liked its fresh, direct approach. Others said that they were moved by it. Friends were curious and fascinated to get the inside story of my life as a deaf person as it has not been a topic of conversation or inquiry among us. They felt that they’d learnt something about what it means to be deaf. Many responses to my essay and public presentations had relief and surprise as their emotional core. Parents have cried on hearing me talk about the fullness of my life and seem to regard me as having given them permission to hope for their own deaf children. Educators have invited me to speak at parent education evenings because ‘to have an adult who has a hearing impairment and who has developed great spoken language and is able to communicate in the community at large – that would be a great encouragement and inspiration for our families’ (Email, April 2007). I became uncomfortable about these responses because I was not sure that I had been as honest or direct as I could have been. What lessons on being deaf have people absorbed by reading my essay and listening to my presentations? I did not set out to be duplicitous, but I may have embraced the writer’s aim for the neatly curved narrative arc at the cost of the flinty self-regarding eye and the uncertain conclusion. * * * Let me start again. I was born deaf at a time, in the mid 1950s, when people still spoke of the ‘deaf-mute’ or the ‘deaf and dumb.’ I belonged to a category of children who attracted the gaze of the curious, the kind, and the cruel with mixed results. We were bombarded with questions we could either not hear and so could not answer, or that made us feel we were objects for exploration. We were the patronized beneficiaries of charitable picnics organized for ‘the disadvantaged and the handicapped.’ Occasionally, we were the subject of taunts, with words such as ‘spastic’ being speared towards us as if to be called such a name was a bad thing. I glossed over this muddled social response to deafness in my published essay. I cannot claim innocence as my defence. I knew I was glossing over it but I thought this was right and proper: after all, why stir up jagged memories? Aren’t some things better left unexpressed? Besides, keep the conversation nice, I thought. The nature of readers’ responses to my essay provoked me into a deeper exploration of deafness. I was shocked by the intensity of so many parents’ grief and anxiety about their children’s deafness, and frustrated by the notion that I am an inspiration because I am deaf but oral. I wondered what this implied about my childhood deaf friends who may not speak orally as well as I do, but who nevertheless enjoy fulfilling lives. I was stunned by the admission of a mother of a five year old deaf son who, despite not being able to speak, has not been taught how to Sign. She said, ‘Now that I’ve met you, I’m not so frightened of deaf people anymore.’ My shock may strike the average hearing person as naïve, but I was unnerved that so many parents of children newly diagnosed with deafness were grasping my words with the relief of people who have long ago lost hope in the possibilities for their deaf sons and daughters. My shock is not directed at these parents but at some unnameable ‘thing out there.’ What is going on out there in the big world that, 52 years after my mother experienced her own grief, bewilderment, anxiety and quest to forge a good life for her little deaf daughter, contemporary parents are still experiencing those very same fears and asking the same questions? Why do parents still receive the news of their child’s deafness as a death sentence of sorts, the death of hope and prospects for their child, when the facts show – based on my own life experiences and observations of my deaf school friends’ lives – that far from being a death sentence, the diagnosis of deafness simply propels a child into a different life, not a lesser life? Evidently, a different sort of silence has been created over the years; not the silence of hearing loss but the silence of lost stories, invisible stories, unspoken stories. I have contributed to that silence. For as long as I can remember, and certainly for all of my adult life, I have been careful to avoid being identified as ‘a deaf person.’ Although much of my career was taken up with considering the equity dilemmas of people with a disability, I had never assumed the mantle of advocacy for deaf people or deaf rights. Some of my early silence about deaf identity politics was consistent with my desire not to shine the torch on myself in this way. I did not want to draw attention to myself by what I did not have, that is, less hearing than other people. I thought that if I lived my life as fully as possible in the hearing world and with as little fuss as possible, then my success in blending in would be eloquence enough. If I was going to attract attention, I wanted it to be on the basis of merit, on what I achieved. Others would draw the conclusions that needed to be drawn, that is, that deaf people can take their place fully in the hearing world. I also accepted that if I was to be fully ‘successful’ – and I didn’t investigate the meaning of that word for many years – in the hearing world, then I ought to isolate myself from my deaf friends and from the deaf culture. I continued to miss them, particularly one childhood friend, but I was resolute. I never seriously explored the possibility of straddling both worlds, despite the occasional invitation to do so. For example, one of my childhood deaf friends, Damien, visited me at my parents’ home once, when we were both still in our teens. He was keen for me to join him in the Deaf Theatre, but I couldn’t muster the emotional dexterity that I felt this required. Instead, I let myself to be content to hear news of my childhood deaf friends through the grape-vine. This was, inevitably, a patchy process that lent itself to caricature. Single snippets of information about this person or that person ballooned into portrait-size depictions of their lives as I sketched the remaining blanks of their history with my imagination as my only tool. My capacity to be content with my imagination faltered. * * * Despite the construction of public images of deafness around the highly visible performance of hand-signed communication, the ‘how-small-can-we-go?’ advertorials of hearing aids and the cochlear implant with its head-worn speech processor, deafness is often described as ‘the invisible disability.’ My own experience bore this out. I became increasingly self-conscious about the singularity of my particular success, moderate in the big scheme of things though that may be. I looked around me and wondered ‘Why don’t I bump into more deaf people during the course of my daily life?’ After all, I am not a recluse. I have broad interests. I have travelled a lot, and have enjoyed a policy career for some thirty years, spanning the three tiers of government and scaling the competitive ladder with a reasonable degree of nimbleness. Such a career has got me out and about quite a bit: up and down the Queensland coast and out west, down to Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra, Adelaide and Hobart, and to the United Kingdom. And yet, not once in those thirty years did I get to share an office or a chance meeting or a lunch break with another deaf person. The one exception took place in the United Kingdom when I attended a national conference in which the keynote speaker was the Chairman of the Audit Commission, a man whose charisma outshines his profound deafness. After my return to Australia from the United Kingdom, a newspaper article about an education centre for deaf children in a leafy suburb of Brisbane, prompted me into action. I decided to investigate what was going on in the world of education for deaf children and so, one warm morning in 2006, I found myself waiting in the foyer for the centre’s clinical director. I flicked through a bundle of brochures and newsletters. They were loaded with images of smiling children wearing cochlear implants. Their message was clear: a cochlear implant brought joy, communication and participation in all that the world has to offer. This seemed an easy miracle. I had arrived with an open mind but now found myself feeling unexpectedly tense, as if I was about to walk a high-wire without the benefit of a safety net. Not knowing the reason for my fear, I swallowed it and smiled at the director in greeting upon her arrival. She is physically a small person but her energy is large. Her passion is bracing. That morning, she was quick to assert the power of cochlear implants by simply asking me, ‘Have you ever considered having an implant?’ When I shook my head, she looked at me appraisingly, ‘I’m sure you’d benefit from it’ before ushering me into a room shining with sun-dappled colour and crowded with a mess of little boys and girls. The children were arrayed in a democracy of shorts, shirts, and sandals. Only the occasional hair-ribbon or newly pressed skirt separated this girl from that boy. Some young mothers and fathers, their faces stretched with tension, stood or sat around the room’s perimeter watching their infant children. The noise in the room was orchestral, rising and falling to a mash of shouts, cries and squeals. A table had been set with several plastic plates in which diced pieces of browning apple, orange slices and melon chunks swam in a pond of juice. Some small children clustered around it, waiting to be served. When they finished their morning fruit, they were rounded up to sit at the front of the room, before a teacher poised with finger-puppets of ducks. I tripped over a red plastic chair – its tiny size designed to accommodate an infant’s bottom and small-sausage legs – and lowered myself onto it to take in the events going on around me. The little boys and girls laughed merrily as they watched their teacher narrate the story of a mother duck and her five baby ducks. Her hands moved in a flurry of duck-billed mimicry. ‘“Quack! Quack! Quack!” said the mother duck!’ The parents trilled along in time with the teacher. As I watched the children at the education centre that sunny morning, I saw that my silence had acted as a brake of sorts. I had, for too long, buried the chance to understand better the complex lives of deaf people as we negotiate the claims and demands of the hearing world. While it is true that actions speak louder than words, the occasional spoken and written word must surely help things along a little. I also began to reflect on the apparent absence of the inter-generational transfer of wisdom and insights born of experience rather than academic studies. Why does each new generation of parents approach the diagnosis of their newborn child’s disability or deafness with such intensity of fear, helplessness and dread for their child’s fate? I am not querying the inevitability of parents experiencing disappointment and shock at receiving unexpected news. I accept that to be born deaf means to be born with less than perfect hearing. All the same, it ought not to be inevitable that parents endure sustained grief about their child’s prospects. They ought to be illuminated as quickly as possible about all that is possible for their child. In particular, they ought to be encouraged to enjoy great hopes for their child. I mused about the power of story-telling to influence attitudes. G. Thomas Couser claims that ‘life writing can play a significant role in changing public attitudes about deafness’ (221) but then proceeds to cast doubt on his own assertion by later asking, ‘to what degree and how do the extant narratives of deafness rewrite the discourse of disability? Indeed, to what degree and how do they manage to represent the experience of deafness at all?’ (225). Certainly, stories from the Deaf community do not speak for me as my life has not been shaped by the framing of deafness as a separate linguistic and cultural entity. Nor am I drawn to the militancy of identity politics that uses terms such as ‘oppression’ and ‘oppressors’ to deride the efforts of parents and educators to teach deaf children to speak (Lane; Padden and Humphries). This seems to be unhelpfully hostile and assumes that deafness is the sole arbitrating reason that deaf people struggle with understanding who they are. It is the nature of being human to struggle with who we are. Whether we are deaf, migrants, black, gay, mentally ill – or none of these things – we are all answerable to the questions: ‘who am I and what is my place in the world?’ As I cast around for stories of deafness and deaf people with which I could relate, I pondered on the relative infrequency of deaf characters in literature, and the scarcity of autobiographies by deaf writers or biographies of deaf people by either deaf or hearing people. I also wondered whether written stories of deafness, memoirs and fiction, shape public perceptions or do they simply respond to existing public perceptions of deafness? As Susan DeGaia, a deaf academic at California State University writes, ‘Analysing the way stories are told can show us a lot about who is most powerful, most heard, whose perspective matters most to society. I think if we polled deaf/Deaf people, we would find many things missing from the stories that are told about them’ (DeGaia). Fighting my diffidence in staking out my persona as a ‘deaf woman’ and mustering the ‘conviction as to the importance of what [I have] to say, [my] right to say it’ (Olsen 27), I decided to write The Art of Being Deaf, an anthology of personal essays in the manner of reflective memoirs on deafness drawing on my own life experiences and supported by additional research. This presented me with a narrative dilemma because my deafness is just one of several life-events by which I understand myself. I wanted to find fresh ways of telling stories of deaf experiences while fashioning my memoir essays to show the texture of my life in all its variousness. A.N.Wilson’s observation about the precarious insensitivity of biographical writing was my guiding pole-star: the sense of our own identity is fluid and tolerant, whereas our sense of the identity of others is always more fixed and quite often edges towards caricature. We know within ourselves that we can be twenty different persons in a single day and that the attempt to explain our personality is doomed to become a falsehood after only a few words ... . And yet ... works of literature, novels and biographies depend for their aesthetic success precisely on this insensitive ability to simplify, to describe, to draw lines around another person and say, ‘This is she’ or ‘This is he.’ I have chosen to explore my relationship with my deafness through the multiple-threads of writing several personal essays as my story-telling vehicle rather than as a single-thread autobiography. The multiple-thread approach to telling my stories also sought to avoid the pitfalls of identity narrative in which I might unwittingly set myself up as an exemplar of one sort or another, be it as a ‘successful deaf person’ or as an ‘angry militant deaf activist’ or as ‘a deaf individual in denial attempting to pass as hearing.’ But in seeking to avoid these sorts of stories, what autobiographical story am I trying to tell? Because, other than being deaf, my life is not otherwise especially unusual. It is pitted here with sadness and lifted there with joy, but it is mostly a plateau held stable by the grist of daily life. Christopher Jon Heuer recognises this dilemma when he writes, ‘neither autobiography nor biography nor fiction can survive without discord. Without it, we are left with boredom. Without it, what we have is the lack of a point, a theme and a plot’ (Heuer 196). By writing The Art of Being Deaf, I am learning more than I have to teach. In the absence of deaf friends or mentors, and in the climate of my own reluctance to discuss my concerns with hearing people who, when I do flag any anxieties about issues arising from my deafness tend to be hearty and upbeat in their responses, I have had to work things out for myself. In hindsight, I suspect that I have simply ignored most of my deafness-related difficulties, leaving the heavy lifting work to my parents, teachers, and friends – ‘for it is the non-deaf who absorb a large part of the disability’ (Wright, 5) – and just got on with things by complying with what was expected of me, usually to good practical effect but at the cost of enriching my understanding of myself and possibly at the cost of intimacy. Reading deaf fiction and memoirs during the course of this writing project is proving to be helpful for me. I enjoy the companionability of it, but not until I got over my fright at seeing so many documented versions of deaf experiences, and it was a fright. For a while there, it was like walking through the Hall of Mirrors in Luna Park. Did I really look like that? Or no, perhaps I was like that? But no, here’s another turn, another mirror, another face. Spinning, twisting, turning. It was only when I stopped searching for the right mirror, the single defining portrait, that I began to enjoy seeing my deaf-self/hearing-persona experiences reflected in, or challenged by, what I read. Other deaf writers’ recollections are stirring into fresh life my own buried memories, prompting me to re-imagine them so that I can examine my responses to those experiences more contemplatively and less reactively than I might have done originally. We can learn about the diversity of deaf experiences and the nuances of deaf identity that rise above the stock symbolic scripts by reading authentic, well-crafted stories by memoirists and novelists. Whether they are hearing or deaf writers, by providing different perspectives on deafness, they have something useful to say, demonstrate and illustrate about deafness and deaf people. I imagine the possibility of my book, The Art of Being Deaf, providing a similar mentoring role to other deaf people and families.References Couser, G. Thomas. Recovering Bodies: Illness, Disablity, and Life Writing. Wisconsin: University of Wisconsin Press, 1997. Heuer, Christopher Jon. ‘Deafness as Conflict and Conflict Component.’ Sign Language Studies 7.2 (Winter 2007): 195-199. Lane, Harlan. When the Mind Hears: A History of the Deaf. New York: Random House, 1984 Olsen, Tillie. Silences. New York: Delta/Seymour Lawrence. 1978. Padden, Carol, and Tom Humphries. Deaf in America: Voices from a Culture. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1998. Schulz, J. (ed). A Revealed Life. Sydney: ABC Books and Griffith Review. 2007 Wilson, A.N. Incline Our Hearts. London: Penguin Books. 1988. Wright, David. Deafness: An Autobiography. New York: Stein and Day, 1969.

Medical prosthetics, such as insulin pumps, are used to augment the management of chronic illnesses, such as Type 1 diabetes (T1D). I was diagnosed at the age of eight with this illness, but the few years before my diagnosis, I was like a huge sponge that was continually squeezed. My bladder was out of control. I peed while marching in a parade at my kindergarten. I let loose on a stranger’s welcome mat because I couldn’t make it to my toilet. Everyone thought it was just a phase, something I would “grow out of”. After about two years, I hadn’t.The easiest thing to blame was my excessive intake of water. I would drink an inordinate amount of water at all hours of the day. In the middle of the night, I would wake up and get myself a glass. Or two. Or three. During these times, my friends were in awe that I could walk alone, without fear, in the dark. For a seven-year-old that was tantamount to being a hero. But the only thing on my mind was the refreshing gush of water.I was a bottomless pit. Any amount of liquid and food that I swallowed seemed to disappear. I rapidly lost weight despite my enormous appetite. A few months after my eighth birthday, my Uncle John, a student doctor at the time, suspected I had diabetes. Although I didn’t know what diabetes was, it seemed like it would change my life forever. I wasn’t ready for change. But with great anxiety, I did the urine test. And it changed my life by saving it. If I hadn’t been diagnosed as having Type One diabetes, I would have died. With this auto-immune illness, the pancreatic cells which secrete a hormone called insulin (used to regulate blood glucose levels) are incapacitated. Consequently, for those who have T1D, external administration of insulin is needed.Fig. 1. Injection.Unlike those with Type 2 diabetes, those with T1D always need insulin injections, regardless of how well they maintain their exercise and dietary regimes. For many, insulin injections are needed. For others, an insulin pump is used to administer insulin in a manner that seeks to mimic a functional, biological pancreas. In this context, an insulin pump is an option used to keep those with T1D alive and can improve how diabetes care proceeds. For instance, in my 28 years of having T1D, I have injected myself with insulin daily to stay alive. In the early years of having the illness, I needed two injections a day. This increased to five insulin injections for two years. The toll this took on my body could be evidenced in scars, bruises and fatty lump deposits from where a syringe had punctured my flesh. However, after transitioning to insulin pump therapy, I only needed to inject myself once every three days, allowing my flesh more time to heal. In this case, insulin pump therapy helped the appearance and health of my skin, while also enabling me to feel more empowered in the face of an incurable illness. This article explores insulin pump usage as a means to manage T1D. In regards to this, the article also asks broader questions: What happens when insulin pump technologies fail? What then happens to the human body that is attached to the pump? How can we speak, write and think about re-organised bodies in which, for example, an internal organ’s pancreatic beta cells (those that secrete insulin), are external to the body and battery operated? Re-Organising the “Whole” BodyAnnemarie Mol and John Law specify, “In western theoretical tradition ‘the body’ is characteristically evoked as the exemplary case of what it is to be whole” (57). Yet, despite this characterisation of a coherent body, the body itself is a “set of tensions” (54). In the context of diabetes, Mol and Law write, “there are tensions between the interests of its various organs. Regulating blood sugar tightly may be good for the arteries, the eyes and the neurons, but since it increases the risk of hypoglycaemia [low blood glucose levels], it is bad for the brain” (54). While one area of the body can benefit, another can simultaneously be compromised. In this context, the body is a site of contradiction and tension that “hangs together” through its incoherence and inconsistency. In the case of T1D, while the pancreatic cells which secrete insulin are destroyed, other cells within the body (and within the pancreas itself) continue to function “normally”. However, this continued “normality” brings heath complications. For instance, the pancreas also releases glucagon, which is the sugar found in the body. As a result of the lack of insulin in T1D, glucagon becomes unmanageable and causes blood glucose levels within the body to rise. The “normal” secretion of glucagon, in this case, produces complications to do with high blood sugar (for example, neuron damage and retinopathy). In this case, insulin pump therapy can be used to compensate for the “normal” and “abnormal” functions of the pancreas. The insulin pump thus attempts to bring the body, as much as possible, to a cohesive whole. However, this cohesiveness is arranged in a manner that pushes those with diabetes to rethink how the body is organised. According to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF), an insulin pump is “a small computerised device that delivers a slow continuous level of rapid acting insulin throughout the day. It can be programmed to give more or less insulin when and if required. The insulin is delivered through a tiny tube (cannula) under the skin that is changed every three days”. It is in Section C in the Australian Government Prostheses list.Fig. 2. Insulin pump.The insulin pump is thus a medical prosthetic designed to communicate with the functioning cells within the pancreas, and the rest of the body, in order to keep the body alive. Usually, only one AA or AAA battery is needed to power most insulin pumps. Life hangs on the life span of that battery, and if the pump is on low battery, then one’s body is also in danger of shutting down.The pump is also located on the outside of the body, with a small cannula being the only thing inserted beneath the skin. On the front of the pump is a visual display designed similarly to the appearance of a mobile phone. The display has a “home page” which shows the time, how much insulin is in the pump, as well as the status of the battery (low battery or not). By clicking onto one of the buttons on the pump, the display shows a menu divided into different sections, such as “bolus” (insulin needed when eating or correcting high blood glucose levels), “suspend” (to stop the pump from administering insulin), “basal” (which regulates the continuous amount of insulin administered 24/7), etc. By scrolling onto a specific category, the pump user can access other sub-categories which enable the user to program the pump. The pump makes visible something that is not usually visible, that is, how much insulin is administered into the body. The use of an insulin pump thus reorganises what can and cannot be seen, smelt, touched and heard. With the pump, users connect to insulin in a number of ways that those without diabetes do not. My experiences with the pump enable me to smell the synthetic insulin that courses through my pump’s tubing when it leaks and when I inject myself. With the pump, insulin becomes connected to certain sounds. The pump alarms when the insulin in its reservoir has been depleted. It beeps to signal certain basal rates. Sometimes it beeps for no identifiable reason. Additionally, I relate to the feel of insulin: the puncture of the syringe, the smoothness of the cannula, the tug of the tubing, the weight of the pump itself. Pump users also develop a tactile relationship with insulin through pressing the pump buttons to program how their pump delivers their insulin. This tactility becomes a daily sensation as the pump is attached to its user for most of their sleeping and waking hours. The pump is their bedtime companion, it is there during exercise, and it is there during rest. It becomes a daily reminder of the need to augment oneself in terms of one’s T1D. This is a daily reminder that is disseminated through the information the user programs into the pump and what the pump also displays for its user. For instance, before eating a meal, the pump user can input their blood glucose level (through first pricking their fingertip to extract blood and place this blood onto a test-strip which is inserted into a blood glucose machine), and how many grams of carbohydrates they are going to consume.Fig. 3. Checking blood glucose.A separate device, called a Continuous Glucose Monitor, can also be used in conjunction with the insulin pump to track blood glucose trends. The pump then calculates how much insulin is needed by assessing the user’s blood glucose level and the amount of carbohydrates they will eat/drink. This information is based on prior data the user and/or the user’s doctor has programmed into the pump to determine how sensitive the user is to insulin. In this context, the pump’s information can be accessed and programmed by its user, but this same data can also be seen and programmed by others (e.g. doctors, nurses, anyone who has access to the pump). This intercorporeality can be dangerous as the pump can be manipulated by people who are not even attached to it. Hacking the Insulin Pump and Other Technological limitsBarnaby Jack, a security researcher, “devised an attack that hijacks nearby insulin pumps, enabling him to surreptitiously deliver fatal doses to diabetic patients who rely on them” (Goodin). In this attack, Jack did not have to physically touch the pump or the person attached to it. Instead, Jack designed software and special antenna to communicate with the radio transmitters contained in some insulin pumps. Administering insulin, in this case, is about the communication between technologies, but in such a way that positions the person attached to the pump as a technology themselves. They are packaged in such a way that their body is the site through which radio transmitters, software and antenna can impinge on the life of their body. Consequently, the body, insulin pump technologies and computer software cannot fully function without the other. Thus, while the insulin pump can help with diabetes self-care, it can also put those attached to pumps at risk of being technologically hacked. There are also more limits to wearing the pump. In my experience, this has ranged from my pump malfunctioning (it has administered insulin without stopping) to the tubing which connects me to the pump catching on doors and getting tangled in car seat-belts. In regards to the latter, the way in which I walk into and sit in certain spaces has to be reconfigured in order to account for how well (or not well) the insulin pump can be accommodated. Additionally, being twice pregnant while using the insulin pump provided further complications as to how the pump could stay attached to my stomach as it enlarged. My body thus becomes spatialised in terms of how well my pump can fit into certain spaces without being damaged or without my body feeling any pain from it “getting in the way”. Additionally, while the pump is attached to its user by a cannula, the pump itself needs to clip onto an article of clothing or be placed in a pocket so that it does not dangle or drop to the ground. The need to attach the pump in order to secure it can be annoying. Anna Presswell, a woman with T1D and an insulin pump has written: “It has been 3 years since I was able to sleep pyjama-less. This may not seem like a big deal, but having tried it once in 42 degree heat in Thailand, almost completely tieing [sic] myself up overnight like a cartoon baddy, being tubing free and able to sleep 'al fresco' again, would be devine [sic]” (1). In Presswell’s case, being attached to the pump means that she is also attached to feelings of discomfort and a lack of freedom. She expresses this sense of being restricted through her desire to be “tubing free”. Presswell’s insulin pump is not the only thing that constricts her, but it is ultimately her T1D that inhibits how she can move, feel, and sleep. In this context, while the pump is dominantly used to augment T1D self-care management, it does not erase the reality of having to live with T1D. The pump is a reminder of the illness which no amount of augmentation can cure. In terms of my experience, the pump is a harsh reminder of having T1D, but it also signifies the biomedical advances in treatment and how privileged I am to be attached to such a device. Being connected to my pump means being connected to my body by having awareness of it in medical terms (hypoglycaemia, hyperglycaemia, etc.) and in terms of feeling (feeling “low” or feeling “high” in terms of blood glucose levels). Such awareness manifests in how I program information into the pump and is complicated through the paradoxical feelings of safety, annoyance, frustration and inhibition I, and others, feel about being attached to an insulin pump. This intimate connection between myself and my pump blurs the boundary between where I begin and where the pump ends. As the pump acts as the medium through which I deal with my body (and live in my body), I experience it as a part of my body. This experience necessitates the question I posed earlier: how then do we contend with re-organised bodies, wherein an internal organ’s pancreatic beta cells (those that secrete insulin), are external to the body and battery operated?Soma and techné?The concept of somatechnology may be a useful way to think through this connection between bodies and technologies. This concept of somatechnology emerged through conversations between colleagues in the Department of Critical and Cultural Studies at Macquarie University in 2004 (Pugliese and Stryker 1). These conversations pointed towards an imperative to name the connection between embodied practice and technologies of power, rather than to constitute them as separate and distinct from one another. The term “Somatechnics” was established to meet this need and fused the terms soma (body) and techné (technologies) to illustrate their symbiotic operation. Joseph Pugliese and Susan Stryker attest that the term “Somatechnics” can work as a “shorthand notation for the notion ... that the body is not so much a naturally occurring object that becomes available for representation or cultural interpretation as it is the tangible outcome of historically and culturally specific techniques and modes of embodiment processes” (2). Somatechnics thus point to the dynamic means through which corporealities are constituted through techné that are “continuously engendered in relation to others and to a world” (Sullivan and Murray 3). In this context, everyday belonging to the world becomes constituted through somatechnics, thus illuminating how technologies of power/knowledge become consolidated through embodied practice. Stryker argues that in supplanting the “and” in “embodiment and technology”, somatechnics enables a critique of understanding identity as separate from the technologies that constitute bodily becoming (80). Somatechnics, in this case, becomes the means through which bodies can be seen as “inextricably conjoined with the techniques and technologies (technics) through which bodies are formed and transformed” (Stryker 80). As I’ve specified in another publication, these include both hard and soft technologies that constitute bodily being in the world … hard technologies are normatively slated as the products that are separate from the human body, such as computers and other gadgets. Conversely, soft technologies are normatively considered as techniques that constitute the norms people maintain in order to manage themselves and others. (Laforteza 28)The Greek etymological root of technology, techné, signals both types of technology, phrasing particular importance on the conception of soft technologies. David Rooney specifies that techné “means belonging to the arts, crafts or skill, and is also related to tactics. Therefore, to the ancients, technology was more than ‘gadgets’, it was also … to do with skills, know-how, and the art of doing things; [techné thus comprises] ... knowledge, actions and ‘gadgets’” (3). Rooney further attests that comprehending technologies as an “indissoluble” partnership between the hard and soft provides a comprehensive account of how social orders become technologised. In doing this, Rooney uses Michel Foucault’s conception of technologies (of production, sign-systems, power, and the self) to go beyond a hard/soft and technological/social boundary. The concept of somatechnology goes even further by specifying that social networks and their norms are technologised, and vice-versa. Moreover, the concept of somatechnics argues that this technologisation of society cannot exist outside the body. Here, the normative idea of hard technologies as outside the body is challenged. In context to users of insulin pumps, this enmeshment of soma and techné is brought to the fore through the pump standing in for certain pancreatic cells, to the point that it enables the body to live and “function” as a human body. Simultaneously, the pump is redundant without the input of human agency and the ways in which the user of the pump programs the pump to work. In light of this, the pump “re-organises” the body in such a way that already speaks to the inherent incoherence and inconsistency of the body. Using the pump also engenders the cultivation of norms, roles, rules and assumptions that constitute pump users as specific medicalised bodily beings. Operating the pump thus makes visible the body as technologised and technologies as bodily. The body that is attached to an insulin pump cannot simply be named and understood as soma, but as somatechnology.ConclusionIn terms of having T1D and an insulin pump, the concept of somatechnology can be used as a theoretical framework to investigate the discourses of health and “normality” that inform how users of insulin pumps deal with their diabetes and their bodies. Discourses of health and “normality” involve a preoccupation with augmentation to either fix, cure, treat, and/or maintain the “healthy” and “normal” body. Insulin pumps act in this capacity to augment diabetes care by transcending the limits of the illness, but in such a way that can make users fully aware of such limits. This is because the insulin pump is a prosthetic developed to constitute bodies with T1D as primed for life, not as a body built to decay and die because of its illness. In this case, the insulin pump as a prosthetic is premised on the hope of improving and sustaining a life that is always-already involved with the threat and expectation of diabetes related complications and death. At stake in using a prosthetic device to ‘manage’ the body is the push to understand and make knowable a body that is unknowable, un-mappable, and unpredictable. ReferencesGoodin, Dan. “Insulin Pump Hack Delivers Fatal Dosage over the Air.” The Register, 27 Oct. 2011. 5 Aug. 2019 ‹http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/10/27/fatal_insulin_pump_attack/›.JDRF. “Insulin Pump Program.” JDRF: Improving Lives, Curing Type 1 Diabetes (2019). 9 Apr. 2019 ‹https://www.jdrf.org.au/type-1-diabetes/insulin-pump-program-faq›.Laforteza, Elaine Marie Carbonell. The Somatechnics of Whiteness and Race: Colonialism and Mestiza Privilege. Surrey: Ashgate, 2015.Mol, Annemarie, and John Law. “Embodied Action, Enacted Bodies. The Example of Hypoglycaemia.” Body & Society 10.2–3 (2004): 43–62.Presswell, Anna. Insulin Independent: Negotiating the Sometimes Rocky Road That Is Type 1 Diabetes Together (7 Jan. 2013). 19 July 2014 ‹http://insulinindependent.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/pumps-selling-points-and-counting-down.html›. Pugliese, Joseph, and Susan Stryker. “Introduction: The Somatechnics of Race and Whiteness.” Social Semiotics – Special Issue: Somatechnics of Race and Whiteness 19.1 (2009): 1–8. Rooney, David. A Contextualising, Socio-Technical Definition of Technology: Learning from Ancient Greece and Foucault. 1996. 10 July 2012.Stryker, Susan. “We Who Are Sexy: Christine Jorgensen‘s Transsexual Whiteness in the Postcolonial Philippines.” Social Semiotics – Special Issue: Somatechnics of Race and Whiteness 19.1 (2009): 79–91.Sullivan, Nikki, and Samantha Murray. “Introduction.” Somatechnics: Queering the Technologisation of Bodies. Eds. Nikki Sullivan and Samantha Murray. England: Ashgate Publishing, 2009. 1–12.

The contemporary video game market is as recognisable for its brands as it is for the characters that populate their game worlds, from franchise-leading characters like Garrus Vakarian (Mass Effect original trilogy), Princess Zelda (The Legend of Zelda franchise) and Cortana (HALO franchise) to more recent game icons like Miles Morales (Marvel's Spiderman game franchise) and Judy Alvarez (Cyberpunk 2077). Interactions with these casts of characters enhance the richness of games and their playable worlds, giving a sense of weight and meaning to player actions, emphasising thematic interests, and in some cases acting as buffers to (or indeed hindering) different aspects of gameplay itself. As Jordan Erica Webber writes in her essay The Road to Journey, “videogames are often examined through the lens of what you do and what you feel” (14). For many games, the design of interactions between the player and other beings in the world—whether they be intrinsic to the world (non-playable characters or NPCs) or other live players—is a bridging aspect between what you do and how you feel and is thus central to the communication of more cohesive and focussed work. This essay will discuss two examples of game design techniques present in Transistor by Supergiant Games and Journey by thatgamecompany. It will consider how the design of “playful” interactions between the player and other characters in the game world (both non-player characters and other player characters) can be used as a tool to align a player’s experience of “intent” with the thematic objectives of the designer. These games have been selected as both utilise design techniques that allow for this “playful” interaction (observed in this essay as interactions that do not contribute to “progression” in the traditional sense). By looking closely at specific aspects of game design, it aims to develop an accessible examination by “focusing on the dimensions of involvement the specific game or genre of games affords” (Calleja, 222). The discussion defines “intent”, in the context of game design, through a synthesis of definitions from two works by game designers. The first being Greg Costikyan’s definition of game structure from his 2002 presentation I Have No Words and I Must Design, a paper subsequently referenced by numerous prominent game scholars including Ian Bogost and Jesper Juul. The second is Steven Swink’s definition of intent in relation to video games, from his 2009 book Game Feel: A Game Designer’s Guide to Virtual Sensation—an extensive reference text of game design concepts, with a particular focus on the concept of “game feel” (the meta-sensation of involvement with a game). This exploratory essay suggests that examining these small but impactful design techniques, through the lens of their contribution to overall intent, is a useful tool for undertaking more holistic studies of how games are affective. I align with the argument that understanding “playfulness” in game design is useful in understanding user engagement with other digital communication platforms. In particular, platforms where the presentation of user identity is relational or performative to others—a case explored in Playful Identities: The Ludification of Digital Media Cultures (Frissen et al.). Intent in Game Design Intent, in game design, is generated by a complex, interacting economy, ecosystem, or “game structure” (Costikyan 21) of thematic ideas and gameplay functions that do not dictate outcomes, but rather guide behaviour and progression forward through the need to achieve a goal (Costikyan 21). Intent brings player goals in line with the intrinsic goals of the player character, and the thematic or experiential goals the game designer wants to convey through the act of play. Intent makes it easier to invest in the game’s narrative and spatial context—its role is to “motivate action in game worlds” (Swink 67). Steven Swink writes that it is the role of game design to create compelling intent from “a seemingly arbitrary collection of abstracted variables” (Swink 67). He continues that whether it is good or bad is a broader question, but that “most games do have in-born intentionality, and it is the game designer who creates it” (67). This echoes Costikyan’s point: game designers “must consciously set out to decide what kind of experiences [they] want to impart to players and create systems that enable those experiences” (20). Swink uses Mario 64 as one simple example of intent creation through design—if collecting 100 coins did not restore Mario’s health, players would simply not collect them. Not having health restricts the ability for players to fulfil the overarching intent of progression by defeating the game’s main villain (what he calls the “explicit” intent), and collecting coins also provides a degree of interactivity that makes the exploration itself feel more fulfilling (the “implicit” intent). This motivation for action may be functional, or it may be more experiential—how a designer shapes variables into particular forms to encourage the particular kinds of experience that they want a player to have during the act of play (such as in Journey, explored in the latter part of this essay). This essay is interested in the design of this compelling thematic intent—and the role “playful” interactions have as a variable that contributes to aligning player behaviours and experience to the thematic or experiential goals of game design. “Playful” Communication and Storytelling in Transistor Transistor is the second release from independent studio Supergiant Games and has received over 100 industry accolades (Kasavin) since its publication in 2014. Transistor incorporates the suspense of turn-based gameplay into an action role-playing game—neatly mirroring a style of gameplay to the suspense of its cyber noir narrative. The game is also distinctly “artful”. The city of Cloudbank, where the game takes place, is a cyberpunk landscape richly inspired by art nouveau and art deco style. There is some indication that Cloudbank may not be a real city at all—but rather a virtual city, with an abundance of computer-related motifs and player combat abilities named as if they were programming functions. At release, Transistor was broadly recognised in the industry press for its strength in “combining its visuals and music to powerfully convey narrative information and tone” (Petit). If intent in games in part stems from a unification of goals between the player and design, the interactivity between player input and the actions of the player character furthers this sense of “togetherness”. This articulation and unity of hand movement and visual response in games are what Kirkpatrick identified in his 2011 work Aesthetic Theory and the Video Game as the point in which videogames “broke from the visual entertainment culture of the last two centuries” (Kirkpatrick 88). The player character mediates access to the space by which all other game information is given context and allows the player a degree of self-expression that is unique to games. Swink describes it as an amplified impression of virtual proprioception, that is “an impression of space created by illusory means but is experienced as real by the senses … the effects of motion, sound, visuals, and responsive effects combine” (Swink 28). If we extend Swink’s point about creating an “impression of space” to also include an “impression of purpose”, we can utilise this observation to further understand how the design of the playful interactions in Transistor work to develop and align the player’s experience of intent with the overarching narrative goal (or, “explicit” intent) of the game—to tell a compelling “science-fiction love story in a cyberpunk setting, without the gritty backdrop” (Wallace) through the medium of gameplay. At the centre of any “love story” is the dynamic of a relationship, and in Transistor playful interaction is a means for conveying the significance and complexity of those dynamics in relation to the central characters. Transistor’s exposition asks players to figure out what happened to Red and her partner, The Boxer (a name he is identified by in the game files), while progressing through various battles with an entity called The Process to uncover more information. Transistor commences with player-character, Red, standing next to the body of The Boxer, whose consciousness and voice have been uploaded into the same device that impaled him: the story’s eponymous Transistor. The event that resulted in this strange circumstance has also caused Red to lose her ability to speak, though she is still able to hum. The first action that the player must complete to progress the game is to pull the Transistor from The Boxer’s body. From this point The Boxer, speaking through the Transistor, becomes the sole narrator of the game. The Boxer’s first lines of dialogue are responsive to player action, and position Red’s character in the world: ‘Together again. Heh, sort of …’ [Upon walking towards an exit a unit of The Process will appear] ‘Yikes … found us already. They want you back I bet. Well so do I.’ [Upon defeating The Process] ‘Unmarked alley, east of the bay. I think I know where we are.’ (Supergiant Games) This brief exchange and feedback to player movement, in medias res, limits the player’s possible points of attention and establishes The Boxer’s voice and “character” as the reference point for interacting with the game world. Actions, the surrounding world, and gameplay objectives are given meaning and context by being part of a system of intent derived from the significance of his character to the player character (Red) as both a companion and information-giver. The player may not necessarily feel what an individual in Red’s position would feel, but their expository position is aligned with Red’s narrative, and their scope of interaction with the world is intrinsically tied to the “explicit” intent of finding out what happened to The Boxer. Transistor continues to establish a loop between Red’s exploration of the world and the dialogue and narration of The Boxer. In the context of gameplay, player movement functions as the other half of a conversation and brings the player’s control of Red closer to how Red herself (who cannot communicate vocally) might converse with The Boxer gesturally. The Boxer’s conversational narration is scripted to occur as Red moves through specific parts of the world and achieves certain objectives. Significantly, The Boxer will also speak to Red in response to specific behaviours that only occur should the player choose to do them and that don’t necessarily contribute to “progressing” the game in the mechanical sense. There are multiple points where this is possible, but I will draw on two examples to demonstrate. Firstly, The Boxer will have specific reactions to a player who stands idle for too long, or who performs a repetitive action. Jumping repeatedly from platform to platform will trigger several variations of playful and exasperated dialogue from The Boxer (who has, at this point, no choice but to be carried around by Red): [Upon repeatedly jumping between the same platform] ‘Round and round.’ ‘Okay that’s enough.’ ‘I hate you.’ (Supergiant Games) The second is when Red “hums” (an activity initiated by the player by holding down R1 on a PlayStation console). At certain points of play, when making Red hum, The Boxer will chime in and sing the lyrics to the song she is humming. This musical harmonisation helps to articulate a particular kind of intimacy and flow between Red and The Boxer —accentuated by Red’s animation when humming: she is bathed in golden light and holds the Transistor close, swaying side to side, as if embracing or dancing with a lover. This is a playful, exploratory interaction. It technically doesn’t serve any “purpose” in terms of finishing the game—but is an action a player might perform while exploring controls and possibilities of interactivity, in turn exploring what it is to “be” Red in relation to the game world, the story being conveyed, and The Boxer. It delivers a more emotional and affective thematic idea about a relationship that nonetheless relies just as much on mechanical input and output as engaging in movement, exploration, and combat in the game world. It’s a mechanic that provides texture to the experience of inhabiting Red’s identity during play, showcasing a more individual complexity to her story, driven by interactivity. In techniques like this, Transistor directly unifies its method for information-giving, interactivity, progression, and theme into a single design language. To once again nod to Swink and Costikyan, it is a complex, interacting economy or ecosystem of thematic ideas and gameplay structures that guide behaviour and progression forward through the need to achieve a single goal (Costikyan 21), guiding the player towards the game’s “explicit” intent of investment in its “science fiction love story”. Companionship and Collaboration in Journey Journey is regularly praised in many circles of game review and discussion for its powerful, pared-back story conveyed through its exceptional game design. It has won a wide array of awards, including multiple British Academy Games Awards and Game Developer’s Choice Awards, and has been featured in highly regarded international galleries such as the Victoria and Albert Museum in London. Its director, Jenova Chen, articulated that the goal of the game (and thus, in the context of this essay, the intent) was “to create a game where people who interact with each other in an online community can connect at an emotional level, regardless of their gender, age, ethnicity, and social status” (Webber 14). In Journey, the player controls a small robed figure moving through a vast desert—the only choices for movement are to slide gracefully through the sand or to jump into the air by pressing the X button (on a PlayStation console), and gracefully float down to the ground. You cannot attack anything or defend yourself from the elements or hostile beings. Each player will “periodically find another individual in the landscape” (Isbister 121) of similar design to the player and can only communicate with them by experimenting with simple movements, and via short chirping noises. As the landscape itself is vast and unknown, it is what one player referred to as a sense of “reliance on one another” that makes the game so captivating (Isbister 12). Much like The Boxer in Transistor, the other figure in Journey stands out as a reference point and imbues a sense of collaboration and connection that makes the goal to reach the pinprick of light in the distance more meaningful. It is only after the player has finished the game that the screen reveals the other individual is a real person, another player, by displaying their gamer tag. One player, playing the game in 2017 (several years after its original release in 2012), wrote: I went through most of the game by myself, and when I first met my companion, it was right as I walked into the gate transitioning to the snow area. And I was SO happy that there was someone else in this desolate place. I felt like it added so much warmth to the game, so much added value. The companion and I stuck together 100% of the way. When one of us would fall the slightest bit behind, the other would wait for them. I remember saying out loud how I thought that my companion was the best programmed AI that I had ever seen. In the way that he waited for me to catch up, it almost seemed like he thanked me for waiting for him … We were always side-by-side which I was doing to the "AI" for "cinematic-effect". From when I first met him up to the very very end, we were side-by-side. (Peace_maybenot) Other players indicate a similar bond even when their companion is perhaps less competent: I thought my traveller was a crap AI. He kept getting launched by the flying things and was crap at staying behind cover … But I stuck with him because I was like, this is my buddy in the game. Same thing, we were communicating the whole time and I stuck with him. I finish and I see a gamer tag and my mind was blown. That was awesome. (kerode4791) Although there is a definite object of difference in that Transistor is narrated and single-player while Journey is not, there are some defined correlations between the way Supergiant Games and thatgamecompany encourage players to feel a sense of investment and intent aligned with another individual within the game to further thematic intent. Interactive mechanics are designed to allow players a means of playful and gestural communication as an extension of their kinetic interaction with the game; travellers in Journey can chirp and call out to other players—not always for an intrinsic goal but often to express joy, or just to experience and sense of connectivity or emotional warmth. In Transistor, the ability to hum and hear The Boxer’s harmony, and the animation of Red holding the Transistor close as she does so, implying a sense of protectiveness and affection, says more in the context of “play” than a literal declaration of love between the two characters. Graeme Kirkpatrick uses dance as a suitable metaphor for this kind of experience in games, in that both are characterised by a certainty that communication has occurred despite the “eschewal of overt linguistic elements and discursive meanings” (120). There is also a sense of finite temporality in these moments. Unlike scripted actions, or words on a page, they occur within a moment of being that largely belongs to the player and their actions alone. Kirkpatrick describes it as “an inherent ephemerality about this vanishing and that this very transience is somehow essential” (120). This imbuing of a sense of time is important because it implies that even if one were to play the game again, repeating the interaction is impossible. The communication of narrative within these games is not a static form, but an experience that hangs unique at that moment and space of play. Thatgamecompany discussed in their 2017 interviews with Webber, published as part of her essay for the Victoria & Albert’s Video Games: Design/Play/Disrupt exhibition, how by creating and restricting the kind of playful interaction available to players within the world, they could encourage the kind of emotional, collaborative, and thoughtful intent they desired to portray (Webber 14). They articulate how in the development process they prioritised giving the player a variety of responses for even the smallest of actions and how that positive feedback, in turn, encourages play and prevented players from being “bored” (Webber 22). Meanwhile, the team reduced responsiveness for interactions they didn’t want to encourage. Chen describes the approach as “maximising feedback for things you want and minimising it for things you don’t want” (Webber 27). In her essay, Webber writes that Chen describes “a person who enters a virtual world, leaving behind the value system they’ve learned from real life, as like a baby banging their spoon to get attention” (27): initially players could push each other, and when one baby [player] pushed the other baby [player] off the cliff that person died. So, when we tested the gameplay, even our own developers preferred killing each other because of the amount of feedback they would get, whether it’s visual feedback, audio feedback, or social feedback from the players in the room. For quite a while I was disappointed at our own developers’ ethics, but I was able to talk to a child psychologist and she was able to clarify why these people are doing what they are doing. She said, ‘If you want to train a baby not to knock the spoon, you should minimise the feedback. Either just leave them alone, and after a while they’re bored and stop knocking, or give them a spoon that does not make a sound. (27) The developers then made it impossible for players to kill, steal resources from, or even speak to each other. Players were encouraged to stay close to each other using high-feedback action and responsiveness for doing so (Webber 27). By using feedback design techniques to encourage players to behave a certain way to other beings in the world—both by providing and restricting playful interactivity—thatgamecompany encourage a resonance between players and the overarching design intent of the project. Chen’s observations about the behaviour of his team while playing different iterations of the game also support the argument (acknowledged in different perspectives by various scholarship, including Costikyan and Bogost) that in the act of gameplay, real-life personal ethics are to a degree re-prioritised by the interactivity and context of that interactivity in the game world. Intent and the “Actualities of (Game) Existence” Continuing and evolving explorations of “intent” (and other parallel terms) in games through interaction design is of interest for scholars of game studies; it also is an important endeavour when considering influential relationships between games and other digital mediums where user identity is performative or relational to others. This influence was examined from several perspectives in the aforementioned collection Playful Identities: The Ludification of Digital Media Cultures, which also examined “the process of ludification that seems to penetrate every cultural domain” of modern life, including leisure time, work, education, politics, and even warfare (Frissen et al. 9). Such studies affirm the “complex relationship between play, media, and identity in contemporary culture” and are motivated “not only by the dominant role that digital media plays in our present culture but also by the intuition that ‘“play is central … to media experience” (Frissen et al. 10). Undertaking close examinations of specific “playful” design techniques in video games, and how they may factor into the development of intent, can help to develop nuanced lines of questioning about how we engage with “playfulness” in other digital communication platforms in an accessible, comparative way. We continue to exist in a world where “ludification is penetrating the cultural domain”. In the first few months of the global COVID-19 pandemic, Nintendo released Animal Crossing: New Horizons. With an almost global population in lockdown, Animal Crossing became host to professional meetings (Espiritu), weddings (Garst), and significantly, a media channel for brands to promote content and products (Deighton). TikTok, panoramically, is a platform where “playful” user trends— dances, responding to videos, the “Tell Me … Without Telling Me” challenge—occur in the context of an extremely complex algorithm, that while automated, is created by people—and is thus unavoidably embedded with bias (Dias et al.; Noble). This is not to say that game design techniques and broader “playful” design techniques in other digital communication platforms are interchangeable by any measure, or that intent in a game design sense and intent or bias in a commercial sense should be examined through the same lens. Rather that there is a useful, interdisciplinary resource of knowledge that can further illuminate questions we might ask about this state of “ludification” in both the academic and public spheres. We might ask, for example, what would the implications be of introducing an intent design methodology similar to Journey, but using it for commercial gain? Or social activism? Has it already happened? There is a quotation from Nathan Jurgensen’s 2016 essay Fear of Screens (published in The New Inquiry) that often comes to my mind when thinking about interaction design in video games in this way. In his response to Sherry Turkle’s book, Reclaiming Conversation, Jurgensen writes: each time we say “IRL,” “face-to-face,” or “in person” to mean connection without screens, we frame what is “real” or who is a person in terms of their geographic proximity rather than other aspects of closeness — variables like attention, empathy, affect, erotics, all of which can be experienced at a distance. We should not conceptually preclude or discount all the ways intimacy, passion, love, joy, pleasure, closeness, pain, suffering, evil and all the visceral actualities of existence pass through the screen. “Face to face” should mean more than breathing the same air. (Jurgensen) While Jurgensen is not talking about communication in games specifically, there are comparisons to be drawn between his “variables” and “visceral actualities of existence” as the drivers of social meaning-making, and the methodology of games communicating intent and purpose through Swink’s “seemingly arbitrary collection of abstracted variables” (67). When players interact with other characters in a game world (whether they be NPCs or other players), they are inhabiting a shared virtual space, and how designers articulate and present the variables of “closeness”, as Jurgensen defines it, can shape player alignment with the overarching design intent. These design techniques take the place of Jurgensen’s “visceral actualities of existence”. While they may not intrinsically share an overarching purpose, their experiential qualities have the ability to align ethics, priorities, and values between individuals. Interactivity means game design has the potential to facilitate a particular kind of engagement for the player (as demonstrated in Journey) or give opportunities for players to explore a sense of what an emotion might feel like by aligning it with progression or playful activity (as discussed in relation to Transistor). Players may not “feel” exactly what their player-characters do, or care for other characters in the world in the same way a game might encourage them to, but through thoughtful intent design, something of recognition or unity of belief might pass through the screen. References Bogost, Ian. Persuasive Games: The Expressive Power of Video Games. MIT P, 2007. Calleja, Gordon. “Ludic Identities and the Magic Circle.” Playful Identities: The Ludification of Digital Media Cultures. Eds. Valerie Frissen et al. Amsterdam UP, 2015. 211–224. Costikyan, Greg. “I Have No Words & I Must Design: Toward a Critical Vocabulary for Games.” Computer Games and Digital Cultures Conference Proceedings 2002. Ed. Frans Mäyrä. Tampere UP. 9-33. Dias, Avani, et al. “The TikTok Spiral.” ABC News, 26 July 2021. <https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-07-26/tiktok-algorithm-dangerous-eating-disorder-content-censorship/100277134>. Deighton, Katie. “Animal Crossing Is Emerging as a Media Channel for Brands in Lockdown.” The Drum, 21 Apr. 2020. <https://www.thedrum.com/news/2020/04/21/animal-crossing-emerging-media-channel-brands-lockdown>. Espiritu, Abby. “Japanese Company Attempts to Work Remotely in Animal Crossing: New Horizons.” The Gamer, 29 Mar. 2020. <https://www.thegamer.com/animal-crossing-new-horizons-work-remotely/>. Frissen, Valerie, et al., eds. Playful Identities: The Ludification of Digital Media Cultures. Amsterdam UP, 2015. Garst, Aron. “The Pandemic Canceled Their Wedding. So They Held It in Animal Crossing.” The Washington Post, 2 Apr. 2020. <https://www.washingtonpost.com/video-games/2020/04/02/animal-crossing-wedding-coronavirus/>. Isbister, Katherine. How Games Move Us: Emotion by Design. MIT P, 2016. Journey. thatgamecompany. 2012. Jurgensen, Nathan. “Fear of Screens.” The New Inquiry, 25 Jan. 2016. <https://thenewinquiry.com/fear-of-screens/>. Kasavin, Greg. “Transistor Earns More than 100+ Industry Accolades, Sells More than 600k Copies.” Supergiant Games, 8 Jan. 2015. <https://www.supergiantgames.com/blog/transistor-earns60-industry-accolades-sells-more-than-600k-copies/>. kerode4791. "Wanted to Share My First Experience with the Game, It Was That Awesome.”Reddit, 22 Mar. 2017. <https://www.reddit.com/r/JourneyPS3/comments/60u0am/wanted_to_share_my_f rst_experience_with_the_game/>. Kirkpatrick, Graeme. Aesthetic Theory and the Video Game. Manchester UP, 2011. Noble, Safiya Umoja. Algorithms of Oppression: How Search Engines Reinforce Racism. New York UP, 2018. peace_maybenot. "Wanted to Share My First Experience with the Game, It Was that Awesome” Reddit, 22 Mar. 2017. <https://www.reddit.com/r/JourneyPS3/comments/60u0am/wanted_to_share_my_f rst_experience_with_the_game/>. Petit, Carolyn. “Ghosts in the Machine." Gamespot, 20 May 2014. <https://www.gamespot.com/reviews/transistor-review/1900-6415763/>. Swink, Steve. Game Feel: A Game Designer’s Guide to Virtual Sensation. Amsterdam: Morgan Kaufmann Publishers/Elsevier, 2009. Transistor. Supergiant Games. 2014. Wallace, Kimberley. “The Story behind Supergiant Games’ Transistor.” Gameinformer, 20 May 2021. <https://www.gameinformer.com/2021/05/20/the-story-behind-supergiant-games-transistor>. Webber, Jordan Erica. “The Road to Journey.” Videogames: Design/Play/Disrupt. Eds. Marie Foulston and Kristian Volsing. V&A Publishing, 2018. 14–31.

A reexamination of John Donne's Holy Sonnet “Batter my heart,” especially one looking at the sonnet's relationship to Early Modern rhetoric, is long overdue. In this paper, I hope to show that a focus on Donne's relationship to Early Modern rhetoric yields several useful new insights. I argue specifically that Donne was probably exposed to Non-Ramist rhetorical methods and theory at many points in his education, from his childhood to his college years to his years at the Inns of Court. Furthermore, Non-Ramist rhetoric has moral implications, suggesting that aspects of an author's feelings, character, and desires can be analyzed by looking at the writer's rhetorical choices in relation to a specific audience in a specific situation. After discussing Donne's rhetorical education, I will look at how the rhetorical decisions of the poetic speaker in Donne's “Batter my heart” reveal his opinions of God and develop his attitudes toward God over the course of the poem. Indeed, the poetic speaker uses rhetoric that exerts power back on him, causing him to change: whereas at the beginning of the poem the poetic speaker thinks he controls his relationship with God, at the end he sees himself as God's humble subject. Ultimately, the poetic speaker's feelings of utter separation from God at the end of the poem actually yield a sense that he has found God and has gained a sense of awe surrounding the Divine.

If my Readers have followed me with any attention up to this point, they will not be surprised to hear that life is somewhat dull in Flatland. I do not, of course, mean that there are not battles, conspiracies, tumults, factions, and all those...

The Port of San Francisco, once one of the world’s most celebrated ports of call, has been reduced to this: a quarter-mile of bare, worn asphalt between a chain link fence and the bay, a couple dozen oblong cargo containers stacked like a set of playroom blocks, and one huge gray cargo crane that looms over the water like the skeleton of some Stanford student’s monstrous robotic dog. A few miles to the north, the Embarcadero and its ripsaw ridge of angled piers, once the pulsing heart of the city’s commercial port, is today a palm-tree-lined recreational waterfront of restaurants, bars, condos, and t-shirt vendors, while here to the south of downtown, huge swaths of abandoned waterfront lie fallow, awaiting the next wave of redevelopment. The San Francisco Bay itself remains a major Pacific port, but virtually all of its cargo traffic now moves through the modern container terminals of Oakland, across the bay. In the city of San Francisco itself, there remains only a single active cargo pier, and this is it. Pier 80. Lashed to the far side of the sea of asphalt is a ship, of modest size by contemporary standards but its sheer bulk impressive nonetheless—a hulking mass of emerald green steel looming three stories above the tarmac, a pale yellow superstructure rising eight stories above that in the stern, and a wall of red and blue containers stacked six high above the forward decks. The ship looks awkward and ungainly. It looks like it may well challenge the principles of buoyancy and displacement. It looks like nothing that neither James nor I have ever trusted his life to before. Our hallucinatory float down the Copper River is ten days behind us. We’ve reentered civilization in Anchorage, visited friends in Seattle, finally met Gary Cook of Baikal Watch and our Russia-specialist travel agent Debbie, and made other last-minute arrangements here in San Francisco, and now we’re riding across the acres of asphalt in the back of a battered yellow van and our friend Eleanor, who drove us down here, is repeating, as if a mantra, Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re getting on this thing. . . . Oh my god, I can’t believe . . .

About a year ago, I received a copy of a letter that took the editor of the Trinity Reporter, the College’s alumni magazine, to task for publishing a version of some of the previous chapter. An institution like Trinity College, the writer argued, must “unequivocally support the values and institutions of traditional Judeo-Christian culture and western European civilization.” Otherwise the “elitist” and “totalitarian” political agenda, which he believed I was pushing, would triumph, to the ruination of academic freedom, our democratic way of life, and even the cultural diversity I was espousing. It its small way, this letter expressed a set of ideas in a strident tone widely heard in Reaganized America. Its best known cultural representative is, of course, Allan Bloom. Like the letter writer, Bloom sets forth a conservative answer to the questions of the canon—that is, from what tradition, or traditions, do “we, the people” derive? And what should be the canonical texts we ought to study, teach, and pass on to our young people? My letter writer, in brief, and Bloom, in a book of some 400 pages, argue for what they see as the key works of a well-defined Western tradition, from Plato, through St. Paul, to the American Founding Fathers. Others, like those who succeeded in reforming Stanford University’s core humanities sequence in small but significant ways, propose a rather more diverse set of traditions, reaching out beyond the patriarchal or even the Western script. Under this important but seemingly academic question of the canon lurks a more intense conflict. Indeed, the intellectual battle in which my letter writer and Bloom are enlisted has been waged in terms usually reserved for a war of succession. Stanford gets excoriated as a mutinous principality; whereas Columbia, entrenched behind its primigenial curriculum, is lauded for repelling the hordes from outside the Heights. Questions about the adequacy of the Western canon seem to get taken as doubts about the birthright of its defenders. Bloom pitches his book like an Old Testament jeremiad designed through its very denunciatory power to rescue us from imminent barbarism.

I agreed to meet Punk Paul on Stokes Croft at around 8 a.m. Paul was exactly where he said he would be—behind the bin next to The Big Issue office. In his early forties, Punk Paul was everything a punk should be—a devout follower of punk bands across the UK, he sported a blue Mohican (when bathroom facilities and soap rations permitted), army issue boots and a battered leather jacket covered in ‘anti-fa’ (anti-fascist) symbols. Paul fashioned the rest of his clothes from whatever he was given by church volunteers and picked up along the way. His distain of authority was firm but friendly. ‘Evening officer,’ he could often be heard saying, with a wink, to local police who regularly busted him for drinking in ‘no drinking zones’. ‘Could you spare a few shekels for an old sea dog? I’m trying to get together a pirate ship to sail off the end of the earth!’ ‘I have to pay Abdul £10.03,’ Paul said, as I approached. Abdul, Stokes Croft’s kindly but long-suffering newsagent, let some homeless people, including Paul, have beer on tick. We walked the short distance from the post office to Abdul’s shop and I waited outside with my dogs while Paul paid his debt. He was holding a can of Tennant’s lager when he reappeared. ‘It’s sort of a constant debt that I have with Abdul!’ He grinned before leading the way down City Road, Brighton Road, and onto Wilder Street. ‘You have to see this place! If you want to see what homelessness is really like in this country . . . this city could be any city, if you ask me. You have to see this place!’ We continued down Wilder Street until we reached a semi-derelict building. Through peeling paint it was possible to read ‘Bristol Transmissions’ above the long-ago boarded-up shop window. ‘It’s known as “The Black House”,’ Paul said, pushing the door. A padlock had been smashed off. Inside, there were two downstairs rooms, both hugely decayed with missing floorboards.